The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways

Leave a comment Standard

Thursday morning, I was on the subway listening to some soca music making my way to work. As I was jamming, a random thought popped into my head – I want to go to Harlem.

I want to go to Harlem.

What a random ass thought. I’ve never been to Harlem before, and I would love to go, but why did that thought pop into my head at that time? So, I tried to analyze my own thought – English in me came out. What I realized is that I didn’t want to go to Harlem Harlem, I wanted the sense of black community and soul. I wanted Luke Cage. I wanted this.

Raphael-Saadiq-musical-performances-Luke-Cage

I wanted to feel connected to something greater to me. A pretty random intention. Old Me, probably would have just ignored it, but New Me felt like this was important. If this is something that I’m craving on a subconscious level, then this is very important.

I put my intention out there in the universe with my Carnelian stone in my hand and meditated on that intention for a while. Yes, I did this on the subway on my way to work. Nonetheless, once I got to work – work happened and this little moment disappeared.

Fast forward to the end of the night, where one of my coworkers tells us about a bar called D.W. Alexander, my team and I were going to grab a drink after going Go Karting and dinner for our Team Event. #insideindeed

822184ed-1f3f-4726-8698-665efa146dab

In either case, my co-worker said she thought I might enjoy the atmosphere there because it has a library vibe. Look for yourself…

D.W.Alexander_023.jpg

From the moment, I stepped into the bar, I could totally picture myself just sitting there with a drink in my head reading a wonderful book. BUT folks it gets better – there was live music at the bar the night we went there. Usually, I hate live music in a bar because it’s always rock, but today it was soul music. Turns out every Third Thursday of the month the bar turns into the SoulFest Lounge. Who the fuck would have thought? The exact type of music I wanted to hear earlier today.

Added Bonus: The performer who was performing was wonderful. I felt chills and goosebumps so many times. D.W. Alexander: The Speakeasy in the Heart of Toronto, and we happened to go on the third Thursday of the month.

The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways.

I’m not a very religious person but ask and you shall receive. It’s never failed me now. I’m not sure if it was the moment in the subway, the crystal in my head, or just luck that my colleague brought us to this awesome place. Whatever force or energy brought us there, I’m grateful. Extremely grateful because I now know where to go when I’m in the need for some soul and good black company.

The Power of Affirmations

Leave a comment Standard
There has been a lot of changes in my life recently: new-ish job, new-ish basement apartment, and recently single. There is something about changes and big life events that make you want to be wild and explore the things that were once not an option.
For me, a lot of these things were not an option, and not because they weren’t available, but because I put all these limitations on myself. We create this image of who we think we are, and eventual the perception becomes our reality. We spend so much time trying to fit in and hiding our real selves that we don’t even recognize ourselves. Or, even worst, we do not know what it even means to be ourselves.
For example, I always associated affirmations with religion. I did the same thing when people talked about mediating or charkas – I associated all with some form of religion. Little did I know that this subconscious association was stopping me from exploring their potential. I rebelled so hard against religion growing up for various reasons. I still consider myself more spiritual than religions. However, this rebellion was limiting me.
Since my break up, I’ve been expanding my horizons, and I must say – I have noticed a shift. I’ve been doing things that old-me would consider weird or wonky. The shift isn’t just in my emotional or spiritual well-being, the shift is in my entire mindset. I’m not sure if its the aromatherapy, the meditating, the healing stones, or the affirmations. Whatever the change is from, I love it and I tend to explore more.
All I know is that for the first time in a VERY long time, I was able to be the bigger person because I knew the Universe had my back. More importantly, I was told that they weren’t worth it. Growth. We never really know what causes it, we’re just happy when it happens.

The Beauty of Modern Medication

Leave a comment Standard

When I was first diagnosed with GAD, I was absolutely reluctant to get treatment. I did my research – and by that I mean – I googled it, and I knew there were option two options.

Option 1: Talk about my sexual abuse and PTSD, in order to find ways to cope.

OR

Option 2: Get on pills.

Honestly y’all, neither seemed like a viable option. However, you know what was – tree. It was so much easier and socially acceptable to be a stoner than it was to admit that I needed treatment.

Fast forward into the future, and I decided to get treatment. Oddly enough, talking about it with a social worker didn’t help. So, I went with Option 2. I am maybe 4 months in, maybe longer or shorter, and I feel great.

It does suck to have to pop pills everyday, but that’s a small price to pay for all that I’ve gained. To not have random panic attacks, days of not wanting to do anything, days of being overwhelmed while doing absolutely nothing. So many days lost feeling like shit. I told my partner that I didn’t feel like myself for almost 6 months. 6 months of me walking into the world, and interacting with people acting like I was okay. 6 months of me feeling like I was silently drowning in thoughts.

Nonetheless, those are days I can’t get back, BUT being on treatment, I feel like myself. I feel like this is a good thing, even if it took modern medication to get me here.

The Boy Named Jeff

Leave a comment Standard

Yesterday after work, I was waiting for my friend to pick me up. I took a seat outside my office building, and chilled until he came to get me.

Suddenly, I see a guy approaching me directly. I was racking my brain to see if I knew him or not. When he finally made it to me, he told me that he wanted $2 to get something to eat. I responded by saying that I didn’t feel comfortable giving him cash, but if he wants, we can go somewhere and get him something to eat, and I’ll pay.

He agreed to my condition, and we made our way to the nearest Pizza Pizza. While we made our way over, he told me about his life. He recounted how he and him girlfriend are both homeless. He disclosed that he had some money on him, but was saving it for his girlfriend. As a result, he couldn’t afford dinner.

My skeptical readers are probably shaking their head, and asking:

How do you know he was telling the truth?

Honestly, that’s a great question, and my answer is “I don’t.” He could have been telling me a fable, but I choose to believe him.

He continued and stated that he was a recovering drug addict. He appreciated that I didn’t give him cash, and instead offered a meal. Once we arrived at Pizza Pizza, I offered the world, and he only ordered a pepperoni slice and a drink. A grand total of $8.

The boy I met. His name was Jeff. Jeff is experiencing homelessness, but he is so much more than just that one circumstance. It fucking SUCKS. It’s fucking MIND-BOGGLING to know that people are experiencing homelessness in a country as privileged as Canada, and in a city as proud as Toronto. He is a person. There is a whole theory dedicated to discussing how no good deed is selfless because the very act of doing a good deed gives one a feeling of euphoria. The question arises, if doing a good deed makes you feel good is it selfless? (I am totally getting sidetracked. We can discuss philosophical questions later – back to Jeff. )

This whole interaction didn’t last longer than 10 minutes. However, that’s 10 minutes that made a memorable impact in my life, and hopefully I had the same impact on his life.

As a black woman who wears outrageous hair colours and is way too bubbly for her own good, I find it important to show people, especially people experiencing homelessness, kindness and decency. You never know how a small act can effect someone.

With all of that being said, I challenge you to do a good deed, selfless or not. Go out of your way to make a positive impact in someone’s life.

The Lesson from my Ex

Leave a comment Standard

One of my friends used to say, ” Everything is a learning experience.” It used to irritate the SHIT out of me. I would be crying about-how-some-guy-I-thought-was-the-one-ended-up-being-a dick, and she would sit there and nod, while whisper comforting things. Then say,

Everything is a learning experience.

Eventually, I realized she was right. This is why I can say I learnt something from my ex, despite all the shit he put me through. Yes, this sounds like a cliché. Nonetheless, it’s true. Even he knows it. (We’ve discussed this topic in the past.)

Before I tell you the lesson, another tangent. – I used to be a very selfless person.

With that said, the lesson my ex taught me is that it’s okay to be selfish. I always put everyone’s needs above my own. I got so used to giving, and giving, and giving. I forget what it was like to care for myself.

My ex forced me to care about me. He forced me to think about what would make me happy, and honestly it wasn’t until I met him that I started thinking about anything other than surviving. But, it wasn’t until I met my current boyfriend that I started living.

Universal, they say, “Some people come into your life for a season, and some come for a lifetime. Never mix seasonal people for lifetime expectations.With this quote in mind, in the comment section, tell me about an experience where a seasonal person taught you a lifetime lesson.