I’m a Bad Bitch

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Today I had to remind myself that I’m a bad bitch. For a hot minute, I forgot about all of the shit I had to overcome to get to where I am. I had to survive for such a long time that when surviving turned into thriving, I didn’t notice.

The funny thing about change is that it happens gradually. I didn’t even realize that I went from wondering about how I was going to deal with my sexual abuse turned into wondering about what I wanted to accomplish next. When fear and trauma no longer became something that brought shame to me, but rather something I embraced as a part of my life my herstory, that’s the moment I became stronger.

My strength didn’t come from other people’s views, but rather my own. I made a decision to stop hiding from my past, and live with it. Let’s get real, I’be been through some shit people couldn’t comprehend.

The sad part about all of this, is that I forgot. Things I wished for growing up, I accomplished and I forgot to recognize the accomplishments. I started to compare myself to other. Frankly, I got so accustomed to worrying about third problems problems, that I forgot about my herstory. My experiences. The experiences that despite the ugliness make me who I am.

I forgot that I was a bad fucking bitch. My apologies, that I AM a bad fucking bitch with a badass support system. A system that love the bisexual black fiery, tarot and crystal loving, energy reading soul that I am.

You’re a bad fucking ass, and don’t you forget it. If you do, remember who you are.

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Losing Yourself

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The thing about losing yourself is that you don’t realize it until its too late. You don’t realize it until you look back and the “you” you knew is no longer there. You lose yourself, over time. Little pieces of you. 

Every time you say “yes” when you want to say “no.”

Every time you want to say something, but choose to remain silent.

Every time you dim yourself to let someone else shine.

Every time you make yourself feel small. 

Losing yourself never happens drastically. It’s never a quick occurrence. It’s slow moving like mist over a lake. It creeps up on you. It wallows and waits in the darkness until “you” is a thing of the past,  until there is nothing left to lose. Until the person “you” once knew is replaced by someone who looks like you, acts like you, behaves like you but is completely unrecognizable from the person “you” once knew.

That’s the thing about losing yourself, you don’t realize it until its too late. 

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“In order to have things you’ve never had, you have to be willing to do things you’ve never done”

Friendly Reminder – Forgive

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