The Beauty of Modern Medication

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When I was first diagnosed with GAD, I was absolutely reluctant to get treatment. I did my research – and by that I mean – I googled it, and I knew there were option two options.

Option 1: Talk about my sexual abuse and PTSD, in order to find ways to cope.

OR

Option 2: Get on pills.

Honestly y’all, neither seemed like a viable option. However, you know what was – tree. It was so much easier and socially acceptable to be a stoner than it was to admit that I needed treatment.

Fast forward into the future, and I decided to get treatment. Oddly enough, talking about it with a social worker didn’t help. So, I went with Option 2. I am maybe 4 months in, maybe longer or shorter, and I feel great.

It does suck to have to pop pills everyday, but that’s a small price to pay for all that I’ve gained. To not have random panic attacks, days of not wanting to do anything, days of being overwhelmed while doing absolutely nothing. So many days lost feeling like shit. I told my partner that I didn’t feel like myself for almost 6 months. 6 months of me walking into the world, and interacting with people acting like I was okay. 6 months of me feeling like I was silently drowning in thoughts.

Nonetheless, those are days I can’t get back, BUT being on treatment, I feel like myself. I feel like this is a good thing, even if it took modern medication to get me here.

The Lesson from my Ex

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One of my friends used to say, ” Everything is a learning experience.” It used to irritate the SHIT out of me. I would be crying about-how-some-guy-I-thought-was-the-one-ended-up-being-a dick, and she would sit there and nod, while whisper comforting things. Then say,

Everything is a learning experience.

Eventually, I realized she was right. This is why I can say I learnt something from my ex, despite all the shit he put me through. Yes, this sounds like a cliché. Nonetheless, it’s true. Even he knows it. (We’ve discussed this topic in the past.)

Before I tell you the lesson, another tangent. – I used to be a very selfless person.

With that said, the lesson my ex taught me is that it’s okay to be selfish. I always put everyone’s needs above my own. I got so used to giving, and giving, and giving. I forget what it was like to care for myself.

My ex forced me to care about me. He forced me to think about what would make me happy, and honestly it wasn’t until I met him that I started thinking about anything other than surviving. But, it wasn’t until I met my current boyfriend that I started living.

Universal, they say, “Some people come into your life for a season, and some come for a lifetime. Never mix seasonal people for lifetime expectations.With this quote in mind, in the comment section, tell me about an experience where a seasonal person taught you a lifetime lesson.

New York

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I’m on the plane about to take off to New York. I’m so excited to go on vacation and visit distant family. However, I would be lying if I didn’t say I was a little sad. I know it’s only a week, but I will miss my family and friends. The people who always have my back through thick and thin. Although I’m leaving, and I will have a good time. I will eagerly await my return.

It’s Offical… I’m the Grinch.

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the grinch

Now, I’m not the Grinch because I dislike Christmas. Although I must admit, it’s not my favorite holiday. I’m the Grinch because as he so articulately stated,

Help me…I’m feeeelinnnggg.

There is something about the holidays that makes people joyful and hopeful. Maybe it’s the thought of gifts from loved ones or the knowledge that the New Year is among us. Whatever it is, it does make us appreciate some of the things we take for granted.

This year is the FIRST year I celebrated the holidays at a workplace or organization. The feeling is unlike something I’ve ever felt. Co-workers I acknowledge with a slight nod, walked up to me with small gifts in hand. Yes, I’m aware the generic card in their hands was probably given to even one else in the workplace, or that the message could pertain to me or Cindy Lou. But the point is, they tried and that’s more than what I can say for myself.

While they took their time thinking of others, I was thinking about how ready I was to runaway. Runaway from my responsibilities, from work, and from most of my coworkers. Nonetheless, receiving small gifts of appreciation, well-written Holiday cards, and hugs from the same people I acknowledge with a slight nod gave me the feels.

At the end of the day, while I was locking up my office, I couldn’t help but think about another Grinch thought…

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!

This Holiday season, I urge everyone to think about the things that do not come from stores. The “little bit more[s]” of the Holiday season, the things that cannot be duplicated or reproduced. The things that touch your heart.