Today I had to remind myself that I’m a bad bitch. For a hot minute, I forgot about all of the shit I had to overcome to get to where I am. I had to survive for such a long time that when surviving turned into thriving, I didn’t notice.
The funny thing about change is that it happens gradually. I didn’t even realize that I went from wondering about how I was going to deal with my sexual abuse turned into wondering about what I wanted to accomplish next. When fear and trauma no longer became something that brought shame to me, but rather something I embraced as a part of my life my herstory, that’s the moment I became stronger.
My strength didn’t come from other people’s views, but rather my own. I made a decision to stop hiding from my past, and live with it. Let’s get real, I’be been through some shit people couldn’t comprehend.
The sad part about all of this, is that I forgot. Things I wished for growing up, I accomplished and I forgot to recognize the accomplishments. I started to compare myself to other. Frankly, I got so accustomed to worrying about third problems problems, that I forgot about my herstory. My experiences. The experiences that despite the ugliness make me who I am.
I forgot that I was a bad fucking bitch. My apologies, that I AM a bad fucking bitch with a badass support system. A system that love the bisexual black fiery, tarot and crystal loving, energy reading soul that I am.
You’re a bad fucking ass, and don’t you forget it. If you do, remember who you are.
I must admit, I’ve been avoiding watching the movie I Feel Pretty. I really liked the concept of the movie, but I really really really don’t like Amy Schumer. However, I’m currently in the process of watching the movie and I must say, it’s something.
This notion of self-confidence through mindfulness is amazing. As is the idea that “you are what you attract.” If you think you are worthless and ugly others will too because you are vibrating at a low level. BUT, if you think you are awesome and worthy of abundance then you’re life and company will reflect that because of your high vibrations.
“You know who you are and you really don’t care how the world sees you.” -Ethan
The quotation above sums up the beauty of this movie. It talks about Self-Confidence, Body Positivity, and Acceptance in a way that media just simply isn’t doing yet.
We live in world where the shift to mindlessfull and happiness is dramtically changing into a value that is intrinstic instead of extrinstic. I’m grateful that media representation is starting to capture this shift in media, as well.
With that stated, this concept of self-confidence is probably the only thing they did correctly throughout this movie. This idea on a whole is about the only positive outcome. Nonetheless, I’m choosing to focus on the good, and this:
If not, this post might just turn into a rant about white societal ideals on beauty – blond hair, blue eyes, and white. Point is – If everyone just abandoned their negative notions of why they aren’t beautiful enough, smarter enough or rich enough, and just accepted that you are enough – the world and you would be a much happier place.
Today, I decided I was going to court myself. I packed some snacks and books. I downloaded some espisodes of The Ozark, it’s finally back. Also, I brought me a blanket. Then, I went to a parkette and chilled.
Afterwards, I took myself out to dinner and then brought myself home. The only thing I’ve noticed when I court myelf are all of the looks I get. Some people get so uncomforatble when you’re living in the truth.
I’ve decided to become my own best friend because lately people have been bothering my spirit. I feel like I spent so much of my life trying to live up to standards that were placed upon me. However, I’m learning that this is my life. This is my journey and I have to follow whatever path I feel l am meant to take. It might be unorthodoxed but it’s what I feel like I need to do. Affirmations. Intentions. Energy. Crystals. Meditation. Mindfulness. Gratefulness. Have been words in my vocabulary and it feels right to me. You might hear me and think I’m crazy, but I know in my heart I’m on the right path.