“In order to have things you’ve never had, you have to be willing to do things you’ve never done”
None of us are as strong as we want to be. – Jessica
There is one thing that has stuck with me since attending therapy – the importance of small moments of happiness, small moments of joy. One of my favorite quotes is:
Happiness is a mood not a destination. – One Tree Hill
Generally, people equate happiness with a specific destination. For instance, when I finish my thesis, I’ll be happy. Once I get that job, I’ll be happy. When I’m making 100K, I’ll be happy. Happiness is usually a specific idea of what we can or will accomplish in the future. The issue with looking at happiness as a destination is that we get lost in the journey. We become so focused on the goal/idea that life passes us by – an uphill hike to discover what will bring us joy.
It’s important to remember that life and happiness is a mood. It is something that everyone can feel if they allow themselves too. Happiness is a state of mind, a fleeting and temporary emotion. Nonetheless, it’s an emotion that we all crave and yearn to feel. Create opportunities for happiness, instead of picturing happiness as a destination.
Making myself happy is one of the most thoughtful things I can do for myself. I can remember my therapist asking “What brings you joy?” The first thing that popped into my head was “French Vanillas.” To this day, that answer remains true. When I’m having a bad day, I march down to Tim Horton’s and buy myself a medium French Vanilla, and it instantly puts a smile on my face. As does a lunch date with a good friend, reading a book, journaling, and watching a good tv-show. Find your small moment of happiness, appreciate them and incorporate them into your life where you can.
I wasn’t always a sociable person, a people’s person. Actually, I was just the opposite. When I was in middle school and high school, I had a tight group of friends of about four people. People I could rely on and trust. I was friendly enough to everyone else. I knew a lot of people, but I can’t say we were friends.
It wasn’t until university that things changed for me. Once I hit nineteen, I could legally drink – not like I was drinking beforehand – and that’s when things changed for me. Other than the alcohol, the other thing that changed was me. I was developing into myself, not physically but mentally. I was growing – still am. I was more in-tuned with who I was. I was also working with a therapist, so I could start the process of healing from my past trauma.
With all of these changes that were taking place, I was able to find people who were real. Who understood the pain I felt from my trauma, who’ve experienced things similar to me, who had the same values and ambitions. I created friendships, which were based on truth, honesty, and communication. They exposed themselves to me and I did the same – figuratively of course. This marked the end of my reign of solitude, I bloomed for the first time in my life. Thing is, no one told me that blooming, that letting people in would be so damn difficult. The connections I built, made me want to build more to expand my horizons. And I did, which is all fun and dandy till shit hits the fan.
You’re probably wondering what the hell is the point of this post. Be patient, I’m getting there. Recently, one of my close friends and I had a falling out. It was completely out of the blue. I didn’t see it coming at all. I really valued her friendship, she was one of the people that I opened up too while I was in university.
We went to a mutual friend’s birthday, and she was so cold and distant towards me. I actually went home and cried in my partner’s arm because it hurt. More than that, it was unexpected and awkward. Everyone else at the birthday noticed the friction between us, which made them uncomfortable. I tried to reach out, call her and see if we can work things out. However, it was just excuse after excuse. Last week it hit me, if she thinks I don’t “add anything to her life,” then why on earth am I trying so hard? Friendship is tough, especially for someone who enjoyed their solitude, but letting go is way harder.
“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not part of your destiny.”
The reason why it’s so damn hard to let go is because deep down, some part of us have hope. Hope that things will change. Hope that things can be different. Hope is good, but realizing that you deserve better is so much better.
Happiness is a mood, not a destination.
You never wanted a relationship, you just wanted company. — Queen Sugar