I’m a Bad Bitch

Leave a comment Standard

Today I had to remind myself that I’m a bad bitch. For a hot minute, I forgot about all of the shit I had to overcome to get to where I am. I had to survive for such a long time that when surviving turned into thriving, I didn’t notice.

The funny thing about change is that it happens gradually. I didn’t even realize that I went from wondering about how I was going to deal with my sexual abuse turned into wondering about what I wanted to accomplish next. When fear and trauma no longer became something that brought shame to me, but rather something I embraced as a part of my life my herstory, that’s the moment I became stronger.

My strength didn’t come from other people’s views, but rather my own. I made a decision to stop hiding from my past, and live with it. Let’s get real, I’be been through some shit people couldn’t comprehend.

The sad part about all of this, is that I forgot. Things I wished for growing up, I accomplished and I forgot to recognize the accomplishments. I started to compare myself to other. Frankly, I got so accustomed to worrying about third problems problems, that I forgot about my herstory. My experiences. The experiences that despite the ugliness make me who I am.

I forgot that I was a bad fucking bitch. My apologies, that I AM a bad fucking bitch with a badass support system. A system that love the bisexual black fiery, tarot and crystal loving, energy reading soul that I am.

You’re a bad fucking ass, and don’t you forget it. If you do, remember who you are.

Advertisements

Letting Go

Leave a comment Standard

I really do think letting go of people is one of the hardest things to do! I’ve been through a lot of shit, but saying goodbye to someone, sorry, choosing to say goodbye to someone fucking sucks. Yes, I am completely aware that I’ve dicussed this topic before, but it’s just so pressing and relevant to my life that I feel the need to bring it up again.

Every time, I let go of someone it makes me realize the amount of strength neccesary to recognize that something isn’t for you and walking away. Nontheless we don’t just walk away from bad situation, sometimes we walk away from good people. The question that arises is why? Why walk away from good people? I read something today that reasonated with me.

Sometimes love doesnt align with our values.

I read this and it was kinda like an aha moment. I’ve been walking away from friendships and relationships with people, not because I don’t think they are fucking awesome, but rather because some of the things they are doing/how the are acting does not resonate with my values. Others might not understand, or better yet, others look at me like I’m crazy. However, it’s necessary for me.

If something goes against my belief system and my values, then it doesn’t matter how much I love you. The issue is not whether I love you or not, its whether I can accept what you’re doing even though it goes against my values.

My friend told me the other day that I’m very principled. I LOVE the word principled, and I LOVE that she associates that word with me.

Principled is defined as acting in accordance with morality and showing recognition of right and wrong.

I believe what I believe. I think what I think. I feel what I feel.

It is harder from me to accept something that I feel in my heart is wrong, then it is to walk away from someone I love because I simply can’t live with that type of turmoil in my heart.

At the end of the day, you have to do whats best for you. Not everyone will undertsand, and its not for everyone to understand. As long as its right in your heart, choose you.

 

 

The Lesson from my Ex

Leave a comment Standard

One of my friends used to say, ” Everything is a learning experience.” It used to irritate the SHIT out of me. I would be crying about-how-some-guy-I-thought-was-the-one-ended-up-being-a dick, and she would sit there and nod, while whisper comforting things. Then say,

Everything is a learning experience.

Eventually, I realized she was right. This is why I can say I learnt something from my ex, despite all the shit he put me through. Yes, this sounds like a cliché. Nonetheless, it’s true. Even he knows it. (We’ve discussed this topic in the past.)

Before I tell you the lesson, another tangent. – I used to be a very selfless person.

With that said, the lesson my ex taught me is that it’s okay to be selfish. I always put everyone’s needs above my own. I got so used to giving, and giving, and giving. I forget what it was like to care for myself.

My ex forced me to care about me. He forced me to think about what would make me happy, and honestly it wasn’t until I met him that I started thinking about anything other than surviving. But, it wasn’t until I met my current boyfriend that I started living.

Universal, they say, “Some people come into your life for a season, and some come for a lifetime. Never mix seasonal people for lifetime expectations.With this quote in mind, in the comment section, tell me about an experience where a seasonal person taught you a lifetime lesson.