Yes, you read that headline correctly, I have no intentions of completing my masters, and you know what? That’s 100% okay.
Ever since I’ve been diagnosed with GAD, I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching. And I’ve realized something. Adults always ask us the same thing, “What do you want to be when you get older?” A question that I’ve been asked repeatedly.
To be honest, I never really gave it too much thought because honestly I never pictured myself growing up. I NEVER pictured myself getting old having a career, etc. It’s just not something that came to mind. While my friends around me were picturing their futures, I was just living. Living – but not expecting much from the future.
So when time passed me by, and that question kept ringing in my head “What do you want to do when you get older?” I figured – I’m good at school, I like tutoring, and I like learning. Why not be a teacher? That was it. I was like a dog with a bone. I had planted the seed, and I grew a tree from it.
I applied to Concurrent Education Programs, got in, and started to follow “my dream.” The thing is, once I finished my undergraduate degree, I had to decide if I still wanted to become a teacher. Honestly, I didn’t. Not in the traditional sense. I didn’t want to teach middle school or high school. I taught in a middle school and absolutely hated it, so I figured I would purse high school.
However, just like that, another seed was planted. I heard myself saying “I still want to teach, but why teach high school? Aim higher, be a professor!” Then, I was on another dream. I applied to masters programs, got in, and started to follow “my dream” to Nova Scotia.
Now, the one thing I don’t tell people is that I hated it. I liked being away. I liked being in Nova Scotia. I liked my courses. I liked teaching. But I HATED writing my thesis. I threw myself into it because I knew I applied for it, and it was necessary that I completed it. But I never did.
I spent the last couple of months telling people what they wanted to hear.
“I’m going to finish it.” “I haven’t had the time to complete it.” “It’s going to be done by the end of the summer.”
I’ve been telling everyone what they wanted to hear, but I haven’t been able to admit the truth – I have no intentions of completing my thesis – not now anyway. For so long, I did what I thought I had to do. I did what was expected of me, and now I want to do what I want to do. Right now, I don’t want to spend time writing something that makes me miserable. I’m happy that I was able to gain that experience. I’m happy that I was able to finish my course, yes, my thesis is the only thing that is left. Maybe I’m dumb for not finishing it, but I do know one thing – I’m happier knowing that I don’t have to complete it till I’m ready.
Let me just say, I’m not ready yet! No one better @ me about this. It is what it is. I’m speaking my truth.