A Fleeting Moment

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I could feel him watching the side of my face like skin basking in sunlight, getting warmer and warmer. While he was trying to assess the situation, I was blushing like a school girl with a crush. I definitely made it easy for him because I was comfortable. I was comfortable.  A lot more comfortable than I thought I would be with a stranger. A lot more vulnerable than I thought the Scorpio in me would allow.

When he looked at me, I felt like he was looking into my soul. He said I was easy to read. A remark I never heard before. I found it quite interesting, but his reasoning is what got me. 

“You’re quite easy to read if you know where to look. Your eyes are quite revealing.” 

He was intentionally looking at me, so that he could see me. The unbelievable thing is one night together, and he did. He saw every uncertain thought that crossed my mind, any moment of discomfort or concern. He saw it all, without me having to say a word. He was so intuned with me and my energy that he could already tell when something was off. That’s when I knew – I was ready to surrender myself and go with what felt right instead of what seemed right.

I leaned into him, only a little. Just enough to let him know that he could, that I wanted him too. He looked at me before he met my lips, but when he kissed me it was slow at first, then very deliberate.  His hands moved to the back of my neck to pull me in and my body went flushed against his. I could feel myself moan into his lips ever so slightly. In that moment, that fleeting moment, I was his.

Maybe the word I used earlier was little unfair – a stranger – because he didn’t feel that way to me. He touched me and I felt myself melt into him, but only a little. It felt like I knew him before, definitely not in this lifetime, but I knew him, I knew that much. 

Now, here I am, sitting here writing about this moment. This beautiful moment that I was able to experience. This fleeting moment of bliss that I can’t get out of my mind.A moment that inspired and energized me. A moment that would never happen if I didn’t just let go and surrender. 

When I was with him, he asked”Why do you keep running from it?” It was a very good question. A question I am sure my subconscious knew the answer too, but I didn’t. So, I stopped running and I started feeling.

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Affirmations of the Day

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Affirmations are quickly becoming one of my favourite things. I have programmed my crystals with affirmations so I can set my intentions and hopes for my personal journey of growth.

I say multiple affirmations throughout the day to shift my mind into a state of gratitude and positivity. I usually go to Louise Hay’s site because everything is pretty and girly. However, I might switch it up for time to time.

Welcome to my journey into mindfulness! I hope this inspires you to create your own.

The Mandatory “New Year” Post

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It’s officially 2018, which means it’s time for the mandatory “new year, new me” post. Although it is cliche, a new year really does mean a new beginning for some. For others, 2018, does not mark change but rather signifies just another year – same shit, different day. For me, the new year symbolizes hope, change, and resiliency. But let’s put aside what a new year symbolizes for a second or what it means to you. Let’s focus on one word – self-reflection. 

The New Year is an amazing time for self-reflection. To evaluate what we have, what we want, and what we need. These resolutions are important because they allow you to reevaluate yourself. They may be the same resolutions you didn’t complete last year, but that doesn’t matter. You may try and fail again, but at least you tried.

So, instead of this being a cliche New Year’s post, this will be a post about my reflection of 2017…

From January to April, I was in Nova Scotia completing my courses for my masters. April – June, I was in Toronto, completely unemployed. June – August, I was living in Downtown Toronto working as a Residential Manager. August – December, I was working my first full-time permanent position, which is where I am today.  Although there were a few transitional periods in my life last year, I am happy that I ended the year with some sort of stability.

With that being said, I didn’t accomplish all that I wanted too in 2017. In 2018 –

  • I hope to find the motivation to finish my thesis.
  • I hope to teach an English Literature class.
  • I hope to become the person I need to be, the person I want to be.
  • I hope to change my mindset and become more forgiving and trusting.
  • I hope to change the decor in my house.
  • I hope to communicate better with my partner.
  • I hope to be patient with myself and partner.
  • I hope to make more time for my family and close friends.
  • I hope to make more time for myself.
  • I hope to take my health more seriously: meal prep, less fast foods, and more gym.

With all of these hopes and goals, the thing that means the most to me is being resilient. With this in mind, my final vow is – I will remain resilient.  I will keep fighting for myself. As long as I am resilient, I know I will accomplish all that I hope for and so much more…

 

 

New York City is GORGEOUS!

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It’s Offical… I’m the Grinch.

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the grinch

Now, I’m not the Grinch because I dislike Christmas. Although I must admit, it’s not my favorite holiday. I’m the Grinch because as he so articulately stated,

Help me…I’m feeeelinnnggg.

There is something about the holidays that makes people joyful and hopeful. Maybe it’s the thought of gifts from loved ones or the knowledge that the New Year is among us. Whatever it is, it does make us appreciate some of the things we take for granted.

This year is the FIRST year I celebrated the holidays at a workplace or organization. The feeling is unlike something I’ve ever felt. Co-workers I acknowledge with a slight nod, walked up to me with small gifts in hand. Yes, I’m aware the generic card in their hands was probably given to even one else in the workplace, or that the message could pertain to me or Cindy Lou. But the point is, they tried and that’s more than what I can say for myself.

While they took their time thinking of others, I was thinking about how ready I was to runaway. Runaway from my responsibilities, from work, and from most of my coworkers. Nonetheless, receiving small gifts of appreciation, well-written Holiday cards, and hugs from the same people I acknowledge with a slight nod gave me the feels.

At the end of the day, while I was locking up my office, I couldn’t help but think about another Grinch thought…

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!

This Holiday season, I urge everyone to think about the things that do not come from stores. The “little bit more[s]” of the Holiday season, the things that cannot be duplicated or reproduced. The things that touch your heart.

Being a Woman

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As if being a woman isn’t hard enough,
But to also be black.
The pigment of my skin,
Appall, Shame, and even Disgrace
That is how the shade is represented,
As a new species,
I guess the world is still segmented.

As if being shorter than the rest
Is always the best
Yes I’m little
I’m unable to see without stretching my neck
I’m constantly attempting to rise above others,
Without trying not to become stressed.
How can I not…become a wreck?

As if getting dressed,
Just to impressed, the ‘Men’ that think negative
Be positive, is the phrase that is always given,
But it is never taken.
How can you be positive with our society shaped the way it is?

Personality, heart, and soul
Should be the main things consider
Not the color or the gender
Who’s in control?

Even with a question that never has a response
There is always a solution.
All Women:
Hispanic, Somali, Black, Chinese, Asian, Vietnamese, Caucasian
Or Thick, Tall, Short, Small, Large, Skinned, Unfashionable
Or just dress for the occasion

Imagine living in a world, when woman deserved what we should have had
Power, Respect, Value, and Dignity
Not to be treated, neither as trash nor as waste
Not to be seen crying, because of great depression
Or wanting to escape.

A world that is full of success
A world that has no faults or wrongs
A world that is made for and by women…A world for us all

** I was fourteen years old when I wrote this poem. It’s not the cleanest piece of writing, but it is still relevant, which is sad. **