Take a Breath

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Yesterday, I had an impromptu conversation with my mentor at work. I’ve been feeling really burnt out, and unable to find a balance between my personal and professional life – whatelse is new. While I was speaking to him, he said something that really stuck:

You’re doing too much.

I’ve always been ambitious because I always strive for better. I’m grateful for what I have, but I am always challenging myself to be better, to do better, to grow. 

In spite of my ambition, he did a really really good job at breaking things down for me and putting things into perspective. He was absolutely right, there is A LOT going on in my life:

  • I’m still learning my role at Indeed – I’m only 6 months in
  • I moved 2 months ago
  • I’m maintaining 2 blogs
  • I’m taking online courses
  • I’m cultivating a mindset of gratefulness and peace
  • Lastly, who could forget the 40+ hours of TV  shows I watch a week. Although, it really seems like that amount is going to have to decrease due to all of my other passions in life.

There are a few other things happening, but you folks get the gist. He was right. At this point in time, I am doing a lot, maybe even too much. BUT, that doesn’t mean something has to give just yet.

Once he was breaking everything down for me, I realized what I needed – a schedule/plan. It’s so easy to push things off until a later date. It’s so easy to put a figurative pin-in-it and forget about it. It’s easy to say you’ll “do it later” especially when later never comes.

I’m not at the point where I want to dial things back, but I do need to slow down and reevaluate my life and figure out my next steps. I need a plan, and SMART goals, and fucking time management. I need to take control over my life, and stop letting myself get eaten by this day to day hustle.

I love choices and options. My friends hear me say it all the time – why should I have to choose? Nevertheless, I’m starting to realize that there is power in choosing. There is power in deciding what’s valuable, and deciding what you put your energy towards.

I’m not ready to slow down YET because my job brings me joy and happiness; my blogs feed my passion; my courses help me grow; meditation and energy healing feed my soul; and TV, yes, watching that much TV makes me genuinely happy. The things I’m choosing to put my energy towards is making me happy. It’s feeding my spirit and it’s showing me I’m on the right path.

It’s a lot, I won’t lie. It’s overwhelming at times, but that’s why I’m so grateful for this conversation because it came at the perfect time. It reminded me that it’s okay to slow down, to amend your dreams, to take time for yourself throughout the day.

I definitely need to take a breather, but what I need more is to be me – the me-est of them all.

I will create a schedule. I will find time for my passions without feeling overwhelmed. More importantly, I will be me.

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Brief Intro to Reiki Healing

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Brief Intro to Reiki Healing

-What is Reiki Healing? -What are the benefits? -How happens in a Reiki Healing Session? -Is Reiki right for you?

C$20.00

I’m Courting Myself

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Today, I decided I was going to court myself. I packed some snacks and books. I downloaded some espisodes of The Ozark, it’s finally back. Also, I brought me a blanket. Then, I went to a parkette and chilled.

Afterwards, I took myself out to dinner and then brought myself home. The only thing I’ve noticed when I court myelf are all of the looks I get. Some people get so uncomforatble when you’re living in the truth.

I’ve decided to become my own best friend because lately people have been bothering my spirit. I feel like I spent so much of my life trying to live up to standards that were placed upon me. However, I’m learning that this is my life. This is my journey and I have to follow whatever path I feel l am meant to take. It might be unorthodoxed but it’s what I feel like I need to do. Affirmations. Intentions. Energy. Crystals. Meditation. Mindfulness. Gratefulness. Have been words in my vocabulary and it feels right to me. You might hear me and think I’m crazy, but I know in my heart I’m on the right path.

I am worthy of a wealthy life!

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We all have such complicated relationships with money. We’re told to save it for a rainy day. We’re told to spend it cause, well, you know – YOLO. We’re told that people who have it are selfish greedy little pricks. We’re told that the people who don’t have it are humble beings.

I believe right therein lies the problem =  WE ARE TOLD! We’re told by our parents, society, and through media representation about how money is the root of all evil. We’re told that the rich only want to benefit themselves and eat cake. We listen to everyone’s baggage and experiences, instead of developing our own relationship with money. We’re taught to hate it, while we need it.

If we were really – and I mean REALLY – honest with ourselves, THEN we would realize we like money not because it’s money, but because of the things it enables us to do. We like money because we get to be financially free, travel, take care of the family, pursue that passion of yours, etc… It enables us to live our best life. Whatever that life looks like is up to you.

I would really encourage you to think about your feeling surrounding money, and then challenge them. Realize that money isn’t the issue, but rather the people. Realize that a good person can have A LOT of money, and still be humble and pure. This is because it’s not about the amount of money a person has – it’s about their intentions and the energy that surrounds their money.

Say this affirmation with me:

“I am deserving of abundance in my life.”

You are a part of a Universe that is infinite and abundant – think of the galaxy or the depth of the ocean or the fact that if we all died the Earth would literally demolish EVERYTHING we have built. There is so much about this world that we don’t understand, and that’s fine with me. If you ask me, this is what makes the world sooooo amazing.

I am willing to believe that I am infinite and abundant, just like the Universe, just like money. 

Are you?

Self-Love

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You are enough. You are unique. There is only one you, be the youest of them all.

P.S – Rose Quartz is my go-to stone when I’m feeling a little down on myself.

Timing is Everything

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Everyone is different. The way that people react to things are different. You could think about every possible outcome, and still have the conclusion be completely different from the scenarios you pictured because you can’t account for people’s behaviours or reactions.

I’m a pretty open book about what I expect from the people in my life. Honesty and Communication. Plus the unpopular thought, omission is lying to me.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m an empath or if I’m just wired this way, but I feel things really strongly. I’ve been called overly emotional, sensitive, and some other not so classy words. However, I’ve ALWAYS been this way since I was kid.

Fast forward to today I got some pretty upsetting news. Someone I considered to be my close friend is moving away to Quebec. I think under normal circumstances that information would be upsetting. Nonetheless, I was also told that she was leaving on Tuesday.

Let’s just put this aside for a second, and give you some context.

I haven’t seen her since June. We’ve been trying to see each other but busy schedules, it’s something you come to accept with old age. Today was one of the only days we could meet. We had plans to go clubbing, let loose. After the week I had, i was REALLY looking forward to it. I needed this. I had already started drinking and smoking – getting ready for our night out, but when I got to the hotel. She told me she was leaving on Tuesday.

It’s not just the news that’s bothering me. It’s the fact that I felt lied too again by someone who’s suppose to have my back. Why led me to the hotel with this vision of having a fun night out when she knew she was going to tell me this? Why not tell me before so we could have one night of fun before she left? Why tell me before we were supposed to go? I wonder if she thought she would tell me and we would go out and still go clubbing. Lastly, why tell me 3 days before you’re supposed to leave when I’m supposed to be someone you value?

Again, everyone is different and she had her reasonings. BUT I’ve been in that exact position before – getting summoned to have fun only to be told bad news when you weren’t expecting it? Especially when I’m living with PTSD/anxiety, frigging control is sooo important to me, and it was the third time this week that that was taken from me.

I tried to get myself under control, but I couldn’t. She tried to get me to stay and talk to her, but I couldn’t. I was in the midst of having a panic attack and I had to leave, so that’s what I did. I had to leave to take care of myself. To get myself under control, and to not lose control on her when I knew I wasn’t just upset about this situation. When I knew I was upset about my missing friend, my breakup, and my other-friend crossing a line. When I knew having news dropped on me like this reminded me of a time someone else did the same thing, but she waited till we actually got to the club because telling me on the dance floor what was happening in her life.

Everyone is different. Moreover, you don’t know what’s happening in someone’s life. The idiom goes, “Its the last straw that broke the camels back. Maybe if this wasn’t the only thing happening with my friends, then I could have handled it better. Nonetheless, that’s not what happened. In reality, her news was “the last straw” for my back and I broke.

I wish I could have handled the situation better, but I did the best I could. Furthermore, she might not agree with me, but I’m proud of myself. If this was old-me, I would have said so many things I couldn’t take back, instead I removed myself from the situation – something my ex has been asking me to learn for years.

Yes, leaving and not talking about the situation is bad. BUT exploding and not being able to take back the things I said is worst, and I choose the ladder.

Timing is everything. I wasn’t read to have that conversation at that moment, maybe that was selfish of me. As time goes on, I’m starting to learn that sometimes you have to do what’s best for you. Sometimes being selfishness is the only way to take care of yourself. Frankly, I’m tired of being put in the position where I have to either choose to be supportive or choose to do what’s best for me. I was selfless for the majority of my life, I think it’s time I start doing me.

The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways

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Thursday morning, I was on the subway listening to some soca music making my way to work. As I was jamming, a random thought popped into my head – I want to go to Harlem.

I want to go to Harlem.

What a random ass thought. I’ve never been to Harlem before, and I would love to go, but why did that thought pop into my head at that time? So, I tried to analyze my own thought – English in me came out. What I realized is that I didn’t want to go to Harlem Harlem, I wanted the sense of black community and soul. I wanted Luke Cage. I wanted this.

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I wanted to feel connected to something greater to me. A pretty random intention. Old Me, probably would have just ignored it, but New Me felt like this was important. If this is something that I’m craving on a subconscious level, then this is very important.

I put my intention out there in the universe with my Carnelian stone in my hand and meditated on that intention for a while. Yes, I did this on the subway on my way to work. Nonetheless, once I got to work – work happened and this little moment disappeared.

Fast forward to the end of the night, where one of my coworkers tells us about a bar called D.W. Alexander, my team and I were going to grab a drink after going Go Karting and dinner for our Team Event. #insideindeed

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In either case, my co-worker said she thought I might enjoy the atmosphere there because it has a library vibe. Look for yourself…

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From the moment, I stepped into the bar, I could totally picture myself just sitting there with a drink in my head reading a wonderful book. BUT folks it gets better – there was live music at the bar the night we went there. Usually, I hate live music in a bar because it’s always rock, but today it was soul music. Turns out every Third Thursday of the month the bar turns into the SoulFest Lounge. Who the fuck would have thought? The exact type of music I wanted to hear earlier today.

Added Bonus: The performer who was performing was wonderful. I felt chills and goosebumps so many times. D.W. Alexander: The Speakeasy in the Heart of Toronto, and we happened to go on the third Thursday of the month.

The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways.

I’m not a very religious person but ask and you shall receive. It’s never failed me now. I’m not sure if it was the moment in the subway, the crystal in my head, or just luck that my colleague brought us to this awesome place. Whatever force or energy brought us there, I’m grateful. Extremely grateful because I now know where to go when I’m in the need for some soul and good black company.