Overwhelmed

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One word sums up exactly how I’ve been feeling – overwhelmed. I feel like I’ve been getting attacked from all sides: friends, family and my partner. I know I’m not perfect, and I know I don’t do everything right. However, there is only so much one person can take.

I don’t see you enough. I see you too much. You don’t give me the benefit of the doubt. You don’t add anything to my life. There’s always something with you.

I have every form of criticism on repeat in my head like a mantra. Since my grandfather passed, things have been hard. Maybe I haven’t given attention to those who wanted it. Maybe I’ve been leaning on my partner more than I should. But I can’t deal with it anymore. Enough is enough, and I’m done.

I’m in a hole. It seems like the more I try to dig myself out, the worse it gets. So I’m going to stop digging and let it be.

There was a time in my life where I didn’t care what people said, I was very content being on my own and that’s the place I want to get back too.

Dear family, friends and partner next year will be different. Next year I will keep to myself. Next year no one will hear from me. At least this way I can’t pester no one or disappoint anyone. This way no one will have to deal with me.

I choose to be a lone.

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New York

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I’m on the plane about to take off to New York. I’m so excited to go on vacation and visit distant family. However, I would be lying if I didn’t say I was a little sad. I know it’s only a week, but I will miss my family and friends. The people who always have my back through thick and thin. Although I’m leaving, and I will have a good time. I will eagerly await my return.

Am I a Writer?

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Am I a writer? This is THE question that has been circling my head for quite some time. What makes someone a writer? Who is responsible for labeling someone with such high esteem?  Finally, the answer came to me – I do. I realized that no one has the power to give you a label unless you allow it. No one has the power to tell you what you are and what you aren’t.

I am a writer. Even without officially publishing anything, or even sharing anything with the world. I am what I say I am. I have given myself the power and responsibility to identify myself with a label I deserve. Why do I deserve it? Because I am passionate about writing. I’ve been writing poetry, short stories, and novels that I’ve been too scared to publish because I was always asking the dreaded question: what if?  Today is the day I stop asking questions I’ll never be able to answer and do – what I believe I was born to do – write.

Today is the day I open myself up to criticism, compliments, and comments. Today is the day I start my blog.