Overwhelmed

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One word sums up exactly how I’ve been feeling – overwhelmed. I feel like I’ve been getting attacked from all sides: friends, family and my partner. I know I’m not perfect, and I know I don’t do everything right. However, there is only so much one person can take.

I don’t see you enough. I see you too much. You don’t give me the benefit of the doubt. You don’t add anything to my life. There’s always something with you.

I have every form of criticism on repeat in my head like a mantra. Since my grandfather passed, things have been hard. Maybe I haven’t given attention to those who wanted it. Maybe I’ve been leaning on my partner more than I should. But I can’t deal with it anymore. Enough is enough, and I’m done.

I’m in a hole. It seems like the more I try to dig myself out, the worse it gets. So I’m going to stop digging and let it be.

There was a time in my life where I didn’t care what people said, I was very content being on my own and that’s the place I want to get back too.

Dear family, friends and partner next year will be different. Next year I will keep to myself. Next year no one will hear from me. At least this way I can’t pester no one or disappoint anyone. This way no one will have to deal with me.

I choose to be a lone.

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